If you are going to make in until your wedding night on this celibacy train, you are going to need some fellow passengers, or perhaps a close friend who will help you, encourage you, challenge you, and remind you that it matters. If your plan is to fight this battle alone, or even to fight it just with your boyfriend, but not share it with others in your life, you are setting yourself up for failure.
You need to have some people in your life who will hold you accountable. You need some friends who will ask you the tough questions about how far you are going physically. You need some fellow-journeyers who will be there throughout the process and remind you why it is important that you stay sexually pure. You need these kind of people because you were never intended to walk this road alone. God wants to send some friends into your life who will help carry the load of obedience so you will not have to carry it alone. Here are some friends to have by your side.
Find a Friend Who is Older
You need to find someone in your life who is older than you, possibly at your church, who is also a follower of Jesus and is serious about her walk with the Lord. Let the Lord show you someone that has already walked where you are walking.
Find someone who is already married and has been down the path you now travel. This person will either have made it to her wedding night being pure and can share the blessing that this brings into the new marriage and how it matters moving forward. Or, she might not have made it until her wedding night and can share the pitfalls and landmines that sex before marriage caused her in her life and in her marriage.
Whatever her experiences are, listen to her and learn from her. Let her be this kind of friend to you: “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as in fact you are doing” (1 Thessalonians 5:11, NIV). This friend can encourage you when times get tough. She can build you up when the road gets hard. You can learn much from her about life and relationships and how marriages work.
Find a Friend in the Same Boat
Discuss with one of your single Christian friends that you have made this commitment to the Lord to wait until you are married to have sex. Ask her to help you live up to that commitment. And, offer to help her live up to her commitment, too. This will give you someone who is roughly the same age as you are. And, if she is walking through the same temptations at the same time as you are, you can both be strengthened.
As each of you date and move on to getting engaged and eventually married, you can share your experiences. Share about the difficulties of waiting and the joys of growing closer to your boyfriend because you are waiting. You can call on each other if things get rough. You can be there for each other whatever comes your way. This friend will get it. She will understand what you are dealing with because she is dealing with it, too. You can each “spur one another on toward love and good deeds” (see Hebrews 10:24).
Find a Younger Friend
Finally, find a younger friend that you can pour into and serve as an example. This will help accomplish two things. First, you will be investing in her at a crucial time in her life when she will be making big decisions about sexual purity. She may be a teenager or a young lady in her early twenties. You can have a profound influence on her. Second, this will give you someone for whom you can be a model. Now, staying pure will not only be a blessing to you but will also serve as an example for her.
All three of these ladies can pray for you and with you. They can each answer questions and offer suggestions from their perspectives and life experiences. And, most importantly, you will know that you are not alone on this journey. Pursue friends that love you enough to help you. And, be a friend that loves enough to help them. You don’t have to do it by yourself. Find friends that will be the kind of friends who don’t let friends give it up.
Answer This: Who are the friends you can rely on as you walk the journey of celibacy?